Friday, March 21, 2008

No More Squirrels, Please

It's been an interesting day.

I have lots of other things to talk about but I just have to share this one thing.

As I was happily taking my morning shower, DD came in and announced "Mom, there's a squirrel in the fireplace!"

Hmm, I thought to myself. Yes, a squirrel really is stupid enough to fall down the chimney and not be able to get itself back out again. Having seen some attempt to jump from tree to tree—and miss—I'm not putting much past squirrels.

So I went and had a look. At first I thought that the kids were talking about some insulation that had been pulled away from the side of the fireplace screen, but then I realized there were two beady little eyes staring at me.

(The flash from my camera illuminated things quite nicely.)

We've lived in this house for three years and we haven't yet dared to use the chimney since we haven't had it inspected.

So after confirming that yes, there really was a squirrel in the fireplace, the next step was to put the wooden box back in front of the fireplace doors (my quick-thinking kids had put it there), then to tell DH, then try to come up with a solution. DH's reaction was that maybe the kids and I would have to go out for a treat (after he got home from work) and when we came back the problem would be taken care of. I wasn't really crazy about that since 1.) I don't think it should automatically be Greg's job to take care of vermin (not that I'm thrilled about it either), and 2.) squirrels are wild animals and carry diseases.

Since the kids and I were heading down to Kate's in Kellyville to wash a fleece, we figured we'd just hope the darn squirrel found its way back up the chimney while we were gone.


Greg came home early from work and attempted some squirrel extraction. I've heard some funny stories about Lenny and Squiggy being enlisted to chase out the squirrel and being VERY upset about being in the house. My sister called in the middle of the attempt and said that she could hear Lenny protesting quite loudly, wanting to go back out. Greg apparently also attempted to grab the squirrel (while wearing thick gloves) but said "the little bast*** was just too fast!"

So after placing some D-Con in the fireplace, Greg closed the doors again and decided to just wait it out, but it didn't occur to either one of us to put the box back in front of the doors.

That was the status quo when the kids and I got home,and lasted until after dinner. Greg and DD had gone to her soccer practice and I was sitting on the front porch watching DS while he played in the front yard. [I hadn't cleaned up the dinner dishes yet since Ryan had snuck outside while I was trying to finish eating.]

Suddenly I heard a strange crash that sounded like it was coming from inside the house.

A second crash came and I rushed into the house just in time to see a brown streak go from the living room into the kitchen, and noticed that the glass fireplace screen doors were ajar.

Oh, crap.

So I threw open the back door, but quickly realized that I was standing too close to the door and that darn squirrel was NOT going to go through it while I was there.

I backed away from the door and the squirrel made a break for it...

One foot too far to the right and smashed into the non-open side of the door.


It then proceeded to jump on the kitchen table, leap from the table to the garden window, land on the plastic greenhouse and pop the lid off which launched the squirrel into the air and it bounced down onto the floor. Then the squirrel jumped up onto the mirror in the kitchen, scrabbled a bit in an attempt to get out through the mirror, fell back down onto the floor, made a run at ME (I wasn't going to move because the last thing I wanted was the squirrel going into any of the bedrooms!!!!), then it realized that yes, that door WAS open and ran out!!!

I slammed that door pretty darn hard, I'll tell you.

Then I called my hubby to tell him that the squirrel had been vanquished! Yay, us! Then I called my parents and told them the story.

Greg's boss even called to find out what had happened, which just cracked me up.

This all reminds me of that ancient curse, may you live in interesting times.


Hopefully the next post will feature some washed Wensleydale fleece!

Right now I have to go wipe down every surface in the kitchen and living room with some strong cleaners.

Happy Easter and have a great weekend!


Lisa Boyer said...

Totally hilarious! You're a great storyteller! Too funny...

Heatherly said...

i am dying laughing! thanks!

Jane said...

Thank goodness it finally left the house! I thought it was the Easter Bunny, not the Easter Squirrel! Of course, if you had captured it, you could have tried spinning it's fur?

Kathy said...

Yesirree, Cousin...never a dull moment at a L-Household!


Michelle said...

Great story! I have one involving a family of flying squirrels in the house at Christmas on my writing blog. Squirrels are great for stories. Great blog, this is my first visit.

Diane said...

Great story! Sound just like what happened to my parents a few years ago.

Now you have to send hubby up on the roof to put a cap (can be bought at Lowes or Home Depot) on the chimney to keep other woodland creatures outside where they belong.

Joanne said...

I thought of this photo this morning. I came downstairs and couldn't find the cat--she was sitting quietly in front of the fireplace doors, I was wondering if she heard something in the chimney......