Saturday, July 14, 2007

Spinning, etc

I've been working a bit more on spinning this stuff:

It doesn't look much different now, so I didn't bother taking another picture--there's just more of it. I'm probably about halfway through the bag of four ounces, so I still have a ton to go. No idea how much I'll get yardage-wise, but I'm looking forward to getting it finished and choosing a project for it.


I'm still knitting along on my Shetland Tea Shawl, and I just finished the 54th repeat (of 72) so it's slowing getting finished. I'm also halfway-done with the third clue of the Mystery Stole, so once I'm done with this clue I'll take a picture and post it. Neither project is terribly exciting as far as photographing it right now.


Thank you so much Taueret, Greg (my very wonderful DH), Mel, Kathleen C, Robin, and Kathy L for your comments. I think I'm fighting a depression and it means so much to hear from others.

I'm normally a very upbeat person. My hubby will vouch for this. I've never had depression for more than a day or so, and it really sucks. I guess a lot of it is because I'm feeling trapped and like I'm an afterthought to pretty much everyone but my DH, sister, and parents (and those of you who commented).

Trapped, because while I love my children, right now it's extremely difficult to do anything with them in public. Unlike a lot of the people I know, I don't have free childcare on whom I can dump my children. My wonderful hubby is more than willing to stay home with the kids if I want to go do something without them, but I also want to spend time with him just as a couple. Our alternative is to pay someone to watch the kids, which gets expensive really quickly. The other day I dropped them off at the play place (hourly daycare, which they love and beg to go back to) and went to WalMart all by myself so that I didn't have to listen to whining about why we weren't going to purchase everything we see and want. They were there for around two hours and it was almost $20.

Obviously that's not something I can do frequently (especially since that's my month's craft budget). I cannot imagine having an entire day to myself, much less a weekend or more. I know I should cherish this time with my kids--and I do--but I feel like what I want to do comes last. Maybe I should go get the cheese out of the fridge to go with my whine.

My back/legs have been really bothering me, which means I've been doing something wrong. I've got two herniated discs in my back and when I lift something wrong or something that's too heavy, or I twist the wrong way, etc etc I get nasty pains down my legs and in my hips as the nerves are being pinched. Unfortunately I'm going on day four of this, and I still haven't figured out what I did wrong. I'm also frustrated by a lot of other things, none of which are in my control so I should just let them go.


The Fiber Christmas In July is coming up at the end of the month, and I'm still not sure I'm going to go. While it would be very cool, I don't know that I want that much temptation to spend money. I keep reading about these people loading up their credit cards and their car trunks at fleece fairs and other events, and while I'm envious, I'm also not going to let myself do that. [Don't get me wrong, I'm certainly not one bit better than any of those people, I just don't want more debt hanging over our heads.]

Not to mention that I still have a whole bunch of roving from the Snake River Fiber Fair that I haven't spun up yet, and I'm drowning in knitting projects I want to do.

I desperately need to do better with my time management.

'K, that's quite enough from me right now. I promise to be more upbeat on my next post.


marti said...

its tough sometimes, needing the time away, but by the time you pay for kid care, there isn't money left over to do something. when the weather is nice, sometimes my dh and i just take a cool drink out to the front porch after the kids are in bed, just to feel like we have a bit of a date!

Robin said...

I know exactly how you feel!. Don and I never have alon time and we are always with our daughter. Once a month we might take her to play time for a afternoon so we can shop or go to a movie, but for the most part she is with us 24/7. It gets very over whelming at times and doesn't seem far. But on the same hand I don't want just anyone watching her, so we keep her with us.. Just know that you are valued and cared for by your loving family , and friends.. I am very grateful we meet.. If you need to talk , feel free to email me... I know how depresstion can crush and soul..

Kathy L. said...

Kat...I commend you for being a "Mom"'s hard I know and I had to face the same things when our daughter was born premature. Both my DH and I were in the military, I had the shortest time in and our daughter's doctor said straightforward that she needed a mom more than I needed a career. I've never regretted it. She's now almost 30 and is a Cellular and Molecular BioChemist!
But I have been, and get sometimes, where you are. Also, dear friend/relative that your pain will cause you to feel this way too. Chronic pain will wear you down. I am partially handicapped...this back surgery was just one of the things going on, but it has relieved me from all that pain down the lower back into the backs of the legs. It was worth it.
Please feel free to email me and I'll send you my phone numbers if you ever need someone to talk to.

The "Other" One! :)

Romi said...

My husband and I don't have anyone to take care of the kids either. I know how you feel. Believe it or not, affirmations help. Tell yourself that you are good and worthy. Take a nice bubble bath. Eat some chocolate. Pet some cashmere. Feel better! :)

Kniterella said...


Taueret said...

oh, parenting little kids is hard! I think we (mums) often do ourselves a disservice when we put on a brave face and act like it's easy. Good on you for being honest. I don't have any free childcare available either so I feel your pain. Hang in there- the only thing I can offer, as the parent of a 14 year old as well as little folks is that it really does go quickly- it just doesn't seem like that some days!